Short Answer:
Because you really want to.
You desire to be touched and kissed and seen and hopefully have an orgasm.
Not because you think its going to convince them to fall in love with you or enter into a committed relationship with you (HEADS UP: no pussy is ever good enough to convince someone to really give you their all solely based on sex - either you're "the one" or your not).
However, your human, you want to build intimacy with someone. And the new person that has come into your life represents all sorts of emotional and physical possibilities.
After a date or four or seven or "hanging out together" and a euphoric steady stream of texting/sexting and the adrenaline rush of heart-ing their Instagram and Facebook posts has got you thinking that its time to have sex.
On the other hand, your questioning when exactly is the right time to "do it."
Let's explore how this could go.
Scenario One:
You and said new lovely soul have been on a few dates. The level of communication has been impressive. Strong as black coffee kinda strong. They touch base with you daily. Consistency has been there from day one. Vulnerability naturally springs from the both of you.
You've already had conversations about: childhood experiences, traumas from the past, why your last relationship didn't work out, learned each other's fears. You know that they want to stop working as an Accountant by forty and open a yoga studio, they are comfortable with the energy you are putting into your acting career.
Plus, they are hot as hell. They are YOUR kind of attractive. They show up fully on dates. Meaning they are present with you. Phone is not glued in hands. You've noticed how they take responsibility and accountability for who they are. They can handle a difference of opinion. They are reading and responding to your love languages and you to theirs.
When you kiss, you get a tingle in your pussy. Your whole spirit races when you embrace.
Together you have seamlessly created boundaries that you both honor. They don't have ex drama.
You don't have ex drama.
You have yet to let each other worry about the other's whereabouts.
Respect is in full force. And on top of it all, you make each other laugh and feel damn good.
You reason: "if they make me feel this good mentally, imagine how good they can make me feel during sex."
Damnit, there's orgasms to be had.
Scenario Two:
You and said new lovely soul have been on a few dates or four, five "hanging-outs". The level of communication ranges from C+ to B- when your being honest. And there was that one day when it was a total fucking F. There's a number of things you don't know about them. Like their middle name. Or exactly why their last relationship ended.
Not that they are flat out denying to answer questions about themselves.
Its more of a lying by omission kind of thing. Your intuition knows this too.
Even saying the word vulnerability in their company feels almost irrational for some reason.
They don't really share any #goals and deep down you know its because they probably don't have any. Substance is lacking.
But, they are hot as hell. Or have you convinced yourself that they would be even yummier if they just didn't have a receding hair line or had smaller boobs, because after all, you love to lick small tits.
They either ALWAYS have to take a call from their demanding mother during dates or check their DM's for "work purposes" during date night.
You repeat yourself a lot. Attention spans is not their thing. They make $112,000 a year.
They have the potential to make $112,000 by next year.
When you kiss its so-so. They French kiss like Bobby could in the eighth grade (he was way more advanced than the others). When you kiss you taste their fave, a turkey sandwich. Always.
Boundaries are fuzzy. After the second date you told them you were going to have brunch with your girls but they called you four times anyways. Respect comes in waves and low tides. You have had some really good conversations though.
They say things like, "let's just take things day by day" or "I'm just here seeing where life takes me."
You reason: "if we can get through a few decent conversation, we're taking things day by day, and their kisses are ok, sans the turkey breath, then I wonder if they can make me cum."
In Scenario Two...
Your in a situation-ship. That could work for you. As long as you have the emotional maturity to have sex with said person knowing that you are not in a relationship. And more and likely, it won't develop into one. 8 out of 10 times. You MUST be at peace with this going into sex with them.
But here's the rub: the sex could be mind-blowing. It could also suck monkey balls. Depends on what gets you off. If you crave a spiritual sensual connection, you may endure a lack luster roll in the hay if your in a situation-ship. However, if your hot blooded and passion equals slaps on ass and clit rubs by warm fingers, then the sex may be awesome while in your situation-ship.
In Scenario One...
You could quite possibly be at the beginning stages of a healthy, loving and thriving relationship.
And guess what? The sex could be underwhelming, weird, and flat out bad. Or it could rock your fucking world. If commitment is a precursor for sex for you, then you can slide those panties off knowing that at least your foundation is seemingly solid.
For some, a level of commitment truly does heighten arousal, making the decision to give a green light for sex that much easier.
Ultimately, sex should be about pleasure. In both scenarios, arousal is key. But it also takes different modes to get there. If your on the fence about when is the right time, check in with your body and soul. Are you truly turned on by this new person? Do they check the boxes that work for your pleasure center?
Women are intuitive as hell. There's about a 97% chance that it will guide you towards knowing if your new person can really deliver on the pleasure when you tap into it.
So there you go, use your sexy intuition and let your body and SOUL guide you towards when is the right time to give up your precious goodies.
And I'd love to hear from you.
How do YOU know when its time to have sex with the new person in your life?
XOXO!
CJ Childress
