THE PLEASURE: A Weekly Sexual Liberation Web Round Up

So you can get your sex (or healing or both) on...

Read, Connect With, or Listen...


ARTICLE:  Victim Who By Karly Sciortino in VOGUE. 
Sex Journalist and Viceland SLUTEVER Host, Karly Sciortino, wrote a damn fine piece highlighting the sexual agency women do have and how society often champions the sex lives of men while correlating a woman's sex life with her virtue. Good shit. Write on. 


PRACTITIONER: 
"I want you to know how EROTIC you are." 
Is what first hits you, bold and honestly, when you visit the website of, 
SexLoveLiberation. 
It's the gorgeous brainchild of Ev'Yan Whitney, a Sexuality Doula (how can you not want to discover the genius of this woman with a self-professed title as that?). 

This powerhouse coaches women to unlock their sexual essence to empower them to heal from the soul and womb and beyond. If your struggling with sexual trauma or feeling like a stranger in your own body, then give Ev'Yan a call (or click)


VIDEO: 
Caught in a Sexless Marriage (or long-term relationship)? Sad but true, over a third of brides don't have sex on their wedding nights, sooooo, I am guessing that this sets up an unfortunate precedent for the course of matrimony. This TED TALK, is aptly titled, No Sex Marriage - Masturbation, Loneliness, Cheating, and Shame by Maureen McGrath .This TED talk will bring you comfort in knowing your not alone and just what you can do about said, no-sex in your relationship. 



BOOK:
I'm an automatic admirer of any woman that's a photojournalist, and while Ava Green is a figment of my erotica author friend, Tasha L. Harrison's, imagination, she is still as real as they come. 
Tasha's most recent novel is a surefire and sultry winner for the erotic fiction genre. 

Therefore, please go add, The Truth of Things, to your Kindle ASAP. (+ she's a freelance romance and erotica editor ya'll, #supportawomanownedbusiness) 
















RESOURCE:
Ever wondered if there was a website solely dedicated to being your emotional BFF while navigating life after heartbreak? 
Well, whatyaknow, there is: Let's Mend. 
It's your space to be face in the place to walk you through this, 
"I think my heart has been ripped out" difficult time. 
What I heart about this site the most is that it is filled with stories of real life-rs, candidly sharing how they went from hurt to healed. Where in the fuck was this site four years ago when I endured some serious infidelity smh? They even have an APP. 
THIS article on loneliness was a gem! 


SONG:
You know those moments when you want to be brutally honest with yourself about how you really need a bad boy or girl in your life? 
OK! I got you. In musical form. 

Bad Decisions by indie hottie, songstress + song writer, 
Rayana Jay, will become your new heart breaker theme song! 


Inject some sex (or sensual fun and healing) into your life this week! 

XOXO!
CJ Childress 

How To Know When Its Time To Have Sex With The New Person In Your Life

Short Answer: 

Because you really want to.

You desire to be touched and kissed and seen and hopefully have an orgasm. 

Not because you think its going to convince them to fall in love with you or enter into a committed relationship with you (HEADS UP: no pussy is ever good enough to convince someone to really give you their all solely based on sex - either you're "the one" or your not). 

However, your human, you want to build intimacy with someone. And the new person that has come into your life represents all sorts of emotional and physical possibilities. 

After a date or four or seven or "hanging out together" and a euphoric steady stream of texting/sexting and the adrenaline rush of heart-ing their Instagram and Facebook posts has got you thinking that its time to have sex. 

On the other hand, your questioning when exactly is the right time to "do it." 

Let's explore how this could go. 

Scenario One: 

You and said new lovely soul have been on a few dates. The level of communication has been impressive. Strong as black coffee kinda strong. They touch base with you daily. Consistency has been there from day one. Vulnerability naturally springs from the both of you. 

You've already had conversations about: childhood experiences, traumas from the past, why your last relationship didn't work out, learned each other's fears. You know that they want to stop working as an Accountant by forty and open a yoga studio, they are comfortable with the energy you are putting into your acting career. 

Plus, they are hot as hell. They are YOUR kind of attractive. They show up fully on dates. Meaning they are present with you. Phone is not glued in hands. You've noticed how they take responsibility and accountability for who they are. They can handle a difference of opinion. They are reading and responding to your love languages and you to theirs. 

When you kiss, you get a tingle in your pussy. Your whole spirit races when you embrace. 

Together you have seamlessly created boundaries that you both honor. They don't have ex drama.

You don't have ex drama. 

You have yet to let each other worry about the other's whereabouts. 

Respect is in full force. And on top of it all, you make each other laugh and feel damn good. 

You reason: "if they make me feel this good mentally, imagine how good they can make me feel during sex."

Damnit, there's orgasms to be had. 

Scenario Two: 

You and said new lovely soul have been on a few dates or four, five "hanging-outs". The level of communication ranges from C+ to B- when your being honest. And there was that one day when it was a total fucking F. There's a number of things you don't know about them. Like their middle name. Or exactly why their last relationship ended. 

Not that they are flat out denying to answer questions about themselves. 

Its more of a lying by omission kind of thing. Your intuition knows this too. 

Even saying the word vulnerability in their company feels almost irrational for some reason. 

They don't really share any #goals and deep down you know its because they probably don't have any. Substance is lacking. 

But, they are hot as hell. Or have you convinced yourself that they would be even yummier if they just didn't have a receding hair line or had smaller boobs, because after all, you love to lick small tits. 

They either ALWAYS have to take a call from their demanding mother during dates or check their DM's for "work purposes" during date night. 

You repeat yourself a lot. Attention spans is not their thing. They make $112,000 a year. 

They have the potential to make $112,000 by next year. 

When you kiss its so-so. They French kiss like Bobby could in the eighth grade (he was way more advanced than the others). When you kiss you taste their fave, a turkey sandwich. Always. 

Boundaries are fuzzy. After the second date you told them you were going to have brunch with your girls but they called you four times anyways. Respect comes in waves and low tides. You have had some really good conversations though. 

They say things like, "let's just take things day by day" or "I'm just here seeing where life takes me." 

You reason: "if we can get through a few decent conversation, we're taking things day by day, and their kisses are ok, sans the turkey breath, then I wonder if they can make me cum."

In Scenario Two...

Your in a situation-ship. That could work for you. As long as you have the emotional maturity to have sex with said person knowing that you are not in a relationship. And more and likely, it won't develop into one. 8 out of 10 times. You MUST be at peace with this going into sex with them. 

But here's the rub: the sex could be mind-blowing. It could also suck monkey balls. Depends on what gets you off. If you crave a spiritual sensual connection, you may endure a lack luster roll in the hay if your in a situation-ship. However, if your hot blooded and passion equals slaps on ass and clit rubs by warm fingers, then the sex may be awesome while in your situation-ship. 

In Scenario One...

You could quite possibly be at the beginning stages of a healthy, loving and thriving relationship. 

And guess what? The sex could be underwhelming, weird, and flat out bad. Or it could rock your fucking world.  If commitment is a precursor for sex for you, then you can slide those panties off knowing that at least your foundation is seemingly solid. 

For some, a level of commitment truly does heighten arousal, making the decision to give a green light for sex that much easier. 

Ultimately, sex should be about pleasure. In both scenarios, arousal is key. But it also takes different modes to get there. If your on the fence about when is the right time, check in with your body and soul. Are you truly turned on by this new person? Do they check the boxes that work for your pleasure center? 

Women are intuitive as hell. There's about a 97% chance that it will guide you towards knowing if your new person can really deliver on the pleasure when you tap into it. 

So there you go, use your sexy intuition and let your body and SOUL guide you towards when is the right time to give up your precious goodies. 

And I'd love to hear from you. 

How do YOU know when its time to have sex with the new person in your life? 

XOXO! 

CJ Childress 

@iamcjchildress 

Character Vibes: The Cool Nerdy Sexy Black Man In My Erotica

Image via: thetraveljoint.com 

Imagine Leon Bridges.
The cool, nerdy, sexy crooner from my city of birth, Fort Worth, TX. 

Yep, he's got leading man vibes. And his essence very much reminds me of the man at the center of one of my two erotica books in the making. 

PRETTY HARD DECISIONS. It's a fast paced erotica that quickly sweeps readers into a world of jealousy, fetishes, societal expectations, and buried secrets that eventually make their way into the lives of three grown and sexy millennials.

At the center of, Pretty Hard Decisions, you will find Kenneth.

Here's his snapshot: 

Kenneth Montgomery, 34, Black, Web Developer at hot new start-up, Lit Up Tech. 

He develops apps that helps authors go viral. Single father, full-custody of eight year-old, Yasmeen. 

They live in Harlem's, Morningside neighborhood. 

He's a native of Michigan and graduated from MIT. 

He has been having blazing hot and naughty, almost on the edge of dangerous, sex with Andrea Cummings and his ex-wife, Ashton Montgomery for the past month.

The web he weaves continues to spiral out of control as he finds himself not being able to deny the primal draw of Andrea and Ashton.

The data on the women he can't stay away from:

Andrea Cummings, 29, White, Freelance Tech Journalist and founder of the popular industry news blog, Hard Bytes, that she writes anonymously.

She lives in the Manhattan neighborhood of Chelsea that she shares with her best friend, Rivermoon Nichols. She was born and raised in Connecticut and graduated from The New School.

Ashton Montgomery, 36, Black, Pharmaceutical Sales Representative that sells a cutting edge drug that treats bipolar disorder. She travels non-stop for work. Mother to Yasmeen.

She recently relocated to Chicago for her job.
Ashton was born in Kenya to diplomat parents and graduated from Georgetown.

With smoking hot good looks, equally impressive careers, and enough ambition to climb any ladder they please, this trio must soon decide on how to navigate a world that leaves very little room for love or lust.

Do they continue to straddle the lines of living in both worlds, or do they choose love and lust over power? Who's keeping secrets and who is more vulnerable than they ever need to be?
This quick and dirty erotic novella will leave you wanting more and more page after page.
Guaranteed to hit your g-spot as much as pique your own desire to shatter the glass ceiling.

To be one of the first to catch a glimpse of the layered lives of Kenneth, Andrea and Ashton, sign-up for my #SELFPLEASURE Chronicles series. A steamy sex scene (a mix of either PRETTY HARD DECISIONS sneak peeks or fantasies that are all about solo sex) coupled with a "BIG-O" tip for mind-blowing self pleasure hits inboxes every Friday.

CLICK ME HERE

Until then...

XOXO,
CJ Childress 

The Dirty Dirty: Things We Keep A Secret

Do you have a fantasy you hold inside of you?
Afraid to say it out loud to yourself.
At times even blushing with embarrassment when just the thought enters your mind.

Of course you do.

We all do.

While you may think that I am about to divulge my secret itch for a rose quartz crystal dildo (yeah, I am into that spiritual love making good-good kind of sex) or reveal the age that I was when I accepted that I was a queer woman.

Nope.

My DIRTY DIRTY SECRET is tied to my professional ambition, interests and desires.

Here's the short of it:

I dreamt of becoming one of two things as a college freshman:
a screenwriter and film producer that lived in Hollywood or a photojournalist for a major media powerhouse like National Geographic with NYC being my home base.

Neither of those happened after college and it's a very long story as to why.

I stopped writing the rest of my twenties and barely even admitted to myself how much photography fascinated me.

Fast forward to my early thirties.
After experiencing my second emotionally tough lay-off as a school teacher, I began writing again.

However, this time, it wasn't anything too fun really. Just some poems, short plays, short films, and even shorter short stories. I became a woman who got paid to write advertisements which left little headspace for writing novels, TV pilots, and feature full-length films.

The fiction I did write, was safe. Wouldn't raise any eyebrows. Because lets face it, everyone can handle coming of age stories about little black girls growing up in the south. And when I wanted to really feel all genre-y I would write about teenagers that see ghosts.

Yet, deep down, I wanted to also try my hand at writing about sex.

Sex in all kinds of ways. From creative non-fiction to journalism to hard-core erotica.

Popular rhetoric is to, write what you know. And I know sex.
Granted, this isn't because I'm a sex champ or anything, its because it has always fascinated me.

Often times our passion and purpose is so closely tied to the corners of our lives and imagination that intrigues us. We spin our heads trying to discover our "life's work" when if we stood still, it would be right there. In our face.

However, there was some shame for me in this area.

I don't know when or why I declared myself a writer of young adult literature but at some point I did.

Insert: mouth in foot.

As much as I live for Cruel Intentions/Gossip Girl, its not a world I want to create as a storyteller when I am being honest.

I did however, want to be taken seriously as a writer. I didn't want to explain to anyone my motivation and justification for wanting to write about sex and erotic fiction.

I felt that it was going to come with too many questions. That my writer friends and non-writer friends would judge me. It was already a fight to be a writer, I figured why add, sexcapades to my niche list.

What's deeper is that as I've gotten older, I've really grown comfortable with my sexuality, sexual desires, sex-positive feminism and real life sexual experiences. My imagination is on tennnnn.

I just don't give a fuck anymore.

I've had enough relationships-situationships-experiences where the sex was bland or we were incompatible.

Now that forty is around the corner, I have no interest in holding back.

I say, "let's get it on" now with more frequency than ever before in my life.

And I think Lovely souls, this is why I am finally no longer keeping my writing spirit and penchant for kink a secret.

I am boldly and unapologetically writing sex scenes every week for free (you can get them HERE), and crafting stories about sexually liberated women who collect lovers along the way.

They stand firm in their sex positive reality. They are who they are. The women they WANT to be.

I suppose I am writing a piece of me in my characters. It may be cheating, but it feels ohhhh so good.

I knew once 2018 rolled around, I couldn't keep this secret any longer.

I've been waiting too long and playing it too safe to make my splash as a fiction writer and overall storyteller. It became high time that I got real honest about what fascinates me most and using those interests to springboard a writing career that I can be proud of and that feels in alignment with who I am.

These are the stories I want to tell.

I am aiming for a career like Roxane Gay. There's almost nothing she can't write, but almost no one can write about the interior lives of women as well as she can.

The cat's out the bag...

It's going to be one helluva ride.

A Poem For Women Who Want To Like Sex

You love it 

You don't like it

You do it with strangers

You feel like a stranger

You think its strange

You have orgasms

You fake them 

You do solo sex

You don't trust people sex

You don't trust solo sex

You only do people sex 

You look at the ceiling

You want to keep going 

You hate moving 

You love switching 

You light candles 

You keep your clothes on

You fight with them 

You fight with self 

You say its your period 

You wait till summer 

You count to twenty 

You shower three times 

You do the sucking 

You don't forgive 

You forgive too much 

You feel unsexed-too-sexed. 

You need to hold on

You need readiness 

You need innocent desire

You need to breathe

You need to heart beat 

You need it with them 

You need your body 

You need their body

You need self trust 

You need to earn trust 

You need spiritual connection 

You need vulnerable flesh 

You need to be wet 

You need a yoni opened 

You need nipples seen 

You need dug deep kisses 

You need to fuck

You need love made 

You need them equally 

You need them concurrently 

You need to be the sex

You need to be the flower 

You need to be the ocean 

You need to be the earth 

You need everything to like sex. 

CJ Childress © February 2018 

Thanks for reading Lovelies! 

Do you like sex? Let's talk about it here or on Instagram @iamcjchildress

And...you can always sign up to get a little free kink in your inbox every Friday with my

#SELFPLEASURE Chronicles - Naughty Sex Scenes Guaranteed to Hit Your G-Spot 

Click HERE to get some.